|
Today I'm talking to the married and marriage minded - women and men! This is for you or perhaps someone you know.
(Click on the Kathy's picture to see this email on video!) or read on below!
Ren and I speak, not as people who have it all figured out. We don't! But …Rennie and I have been married for 36 years. We have faced just about every issue that a couple will face. We come as ones who have wrestled through them. We've done our own homework. We have studied the issues and the solutions from every which way. We have read all the books and worked hard to practice what they say- or sometimes not practice what they say. We have worked hard to build a relationship as we strive to become more deeply one.
Included in this video: (highlighted below)
Remember, your great marriage starts with you!
 We are getting ready to launch two groups; one for men, one for women, on September 13th regarding sex & intimacy. So we were reached out to find what it is that really stands out in your marriages that we need to talk about.
Recently I sent out a survey to the GHC community and I asked one question.
What 2 questions do you have from your own marriage that we need to cover in a course about intimacy, specifically sexual intimacy in marriage?
I was amazed at the responses. Not because the questions were new- because they are not. We've been exposed to this topic for a long time. We've spoken with speakers and coaches who work with women and couples all over the world and they have found that no matter where we live- we have the same questions. We're all wrestling with similar issues in marriage.
The amazing thing is the depth of heart that each question showed. Here are a few of the questions:
- Why does one partner never want to have sex? Why does one partner always want to have sex?
- How to get your partner to open up to what (s)he really desires?
- How can I communicate to my husband that if he desires sex, I need to have intimacy and positive verbal communication--even playful fun in order to get to a "place" where I can better serve his need?
- Will you talk about the effects of pornography on a marriage?
- What does a Godly marriage look like?
- What is realistic for me to expect?
One gal just asked, "What do you do when you don't know what to do?
we are encouraging both the husband and the wife to take part in the upcoming groups on intimacy and sexuality. We will be telling you more about them in a few days.
But when each partner shares out of what they are learning about themselves- from a perspective that makes sense to them, to their needs and desires- then there can be some pretty powerful transformation happening in this area of sexuality and intimacy.
But also within the questions, so often what we heard was an awareness- or wish- that the other partner would do what they need to do so that intimacy could flow.
I will if he will or I will if she will!
I will be able to respond if they will do what they should do.
Have you ever felt that way! You know- you throw your thumb over to the other partner and say 'if they would only…"
If you would have sex with me, I would feel like talking to you!
Well if you would talk to me I'd feel like having sex with you!
Have you had that conversation?
I'm betting you know what I'm talking about.
But what Ren and I have learned is we can keep doing the finger pointing for a long time. Chances are the other partner is doing the same thing too!
You end up not doing anything! What if you don't do anything?
You might say- nothing! But actually we never stand still. If we are not moving forward, we are begin that decline that starts so subtly only to land on a really slick spot. Quickly we feel like we are losing any control.
Or
We can 'make a choice' right now- to do what we can do!
I can't do anything because he isn't ! She isn't!
Ok, but what can you do?
- What can you do to have the marriage you long for?
- Where do you have the possibility to make a difference?
- What power do you have to create change you want?
I'm not just talking to the couples who are in a hurting in some way. I'm talking also to the couples who have a good relationship. It's good! You've worked at it! Yet you are two people in one relationship. You still have to work at making it the best it can be!
So often, we are still misunderstanding each other- or becoming complacent with something that might in fact be stifling or hindering our growth as couples.
Rennie and I talked and we want to offer something to get couples talking about what they can do to have a deeper, more fulfilling relationship. A little tool we have used is an inventory called the relationship wheel.
This is our gift to you. Just give us your name and email address at the bottom of this post and we will send the relationship wheel to you.
This will help you take a look at how you and your spouse think you are doing. Often just by doing this exercise together, you will find that one thing you can do to get your marriage back "in the round'.
Sometimes it feels like it is a huge deal when in reality it just needs a little tweaking!
Other times- we find out that one partner thinks things are going great, only to discover that their partner is uncomfortable.
This simple tool is a great way to start that conversation.
I've heard all kinds of excuses not to have that talk- sexual or otherwise.
What if I do and she doesn't ?
What if I do and he doesn't?
Ok- there can be a risk! Every relationship is at some degree of health or un-health. There is no secret formula to make it all better though there are proven practices that can bring about change. But if you don't do something- there is NO chance of having the kind of relationship you long for.
Other excuses are:
What if it's not going as well as I think?
What if we try and nothing changes?
What if it just gets harder as we try to work things out?
What if…..? Well, let's 'what if ' this a little different!
- What if it's going better than we are assuming?
- What if we try and everything changes for the better?
- What if it gets hard for a little while and then we enjoy each other in new and fresh ways?
What if then???? (Great Big Smiley Face inserted in your mirror)
There is the saying that one partner doing their 50% in a relationship can make more than 50% of the difference.
What can you do?
For starters- sign up right now to receive the Relationship Wheel inventory. Make a copy for both of you and plan some alone time to think through your assessment.
Then plan a date night and explore your answers together. If you need help, Ren and I would love to assist you in making your marriage Great!!!
Now that you have made that choice to do what you can do, Congratulations! That is the first step to the marriage you long for.
I know that this one exercise alone probably isn't going to bring about the kinds of lasting change that you want. So in our next video, we're going to talk about some more ways you can continue to grow your relationship toward a deep and lasting oneness. We will probably have a list of some other resources that might be helpful to you too. But… we'll let you know more about that in the next video.
For now, give us your name and email address and we will send you the relationship wheel so you can get started. You will also get the information about the next video that comes out in a few days.
Your marriage is worth a lot! Not just to you and the closeness you experience, but because of the powerful difference the two of you can make together in those closest to you!
Sign up now!
Rennie & Kathy Burrus
Green Hope Coaching
| 