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Good morning, Kathy,
We are continuing the focus on marriage this month at GHC. Part of the reason is because we are in the middle of the WIVES ONLY group called "What's it Like to be Married to Me?" and other dangerous questions. Not only has the discussion around this study been so good, but I have been really challenged, and encouraged in my own marriage.
PLUS we're also getting ready for the next CELEBRATE THE DANCE scheduled for Sunday, October 9th from 2:00-5:00pm. We've really enjoyed this time of just having fun with our sweetie, as well as other couples. Plus we throw in some marriage coaching to boot. It's a fun way to improve our marriage. But you need to register today! Details are below.
I don't think there is a couple in the world that doesn't struggle somewhere in their relationship. You put two people together- each with their own uniqueness & background - and you will have a different way of communicating, a different way of dealing with conflict, a different way of looking at life. As Emerson Eggerich says in his book "Love & Respect", "it's not wrong, it's just different."
We'll talk about all this and more as we consider how you, as a couple, can have the relationship you long for.
You might also consider setting up some COUPLES COACHING. It is so valuable to reconnect as a couple with the vision for your own marriage and clarify some next steps to continue to move in that direction. But sometimes it helps to have someone else listening for what you are truly saying to each other. Call me today to get your strategy session scheduled.
Here's to marriage! May you have the courage to take the next step toward deeper oneness!
Kathy
PS. We would love to have you be part of the prayer ministry on behalf of the GHC community, please let me know of your interest. You will recieve one prayer letter a month and urgent requests as they arise.
PSS. Don't miss the update on the LEISHA'S HOPE project below also. If you'd like to be part of this, information is provided there.
Thank you in advance for your prayers on our behalf!
ARTICLE
Shoulder to Shoulder/ Face to Face
by Kathy Burrus, Green HOPE Coaching
So this week, I got a master lesson in intimacy! And NO, it wasn't a lesson in sex. Well, not directly anyway.
How many times has one or the other of you said in your relationship, "I just want to be close to you!"? We've said it. I'm sure you have too!
Early on in our relationship is sounded something like Karen Carpenter's version of "Close to You!"
Why do birds suddenly appear everytime you are near?
Just like me they long to be close to you...
(It even goes on to say) On the day that you were born the angels got together
and decided to create a dream come true...!
Remember when? You can almost hear her singing it. Nowadays it's more like Carole King's song, "So Far Away".
Long ago I reached for you and there you stood
Holding you again could only do me good
How I wish I could, but you're so far away.
We so often live in the same house, but on different planets.
So back to my lesson. Ren and I have been trying to be intentional about having a 'date night' on occasion. You would think that with the girls gone and the house to ourselves that would come naturally. But not at our house. So we've been trying to have a dinner together- that's not fast food in between events, or just doing things together that are not 'routine'. However, I've realized that often it ends up with me doing lot's of talking (I spend a lot of time at home alone now) and Ren trying hard to stay engaged after a long day/week of physical labor. Neither of us feel significantly close at the end.
But this week, I volunteered to help mow the lawn with Ren. I'm on one mower- he's mowing, sorting the wood pile, fixing the van tire, you name it. Every time I looked up he was tinkering on something else. Then yesterday, he called to ask for my help on a repair job he was doing for his business. Now, he's been doing this for 6 years and I've helped him jockey cars or keep his books. But this was the first time he asked me to put on grungy clothes and actually work with him. So I did! I don't know if I'll be eager to do that particular job of sanding and stripping a freight liner dash again- but I can say I did it once. I tried talking to him as we worked, but mostly we just 'worked' together. I was glad I could help. Not sure I consider it a date though.
But I noticed that Ren's interest in looking me in the face, talking with me, and goodness, just listening to me skyrocketed after we spent those times together. He obviously felt 'close to me'. He responded in ways that spoke closeness to me.
Research confirms that men prefer the shoulder-to-shoulder communication- with little or no talking. Don't take my word for it! Ask Emerson Eggerich, author of Love & Respect. It's part of the brother to brother, man to man commitment they make even as a boy. They would build forts, and do battles together hardly even talking with each other. As adults, they can go cut wood for the whole day or shoot 18 holes of golf, or even got to an event and sit on opposite ends of a sofa and never say a word- to anyone, yet leaving genuinely saying they had a great time. 
So he marries this woman who wants face to face connection- with time together to share, not just her heart through words (sometimes lot's of words), but to hear his heart also. So when he says "let's go do something together" and she just wants to talk the whole time to feel close, what does this "shoulder to shoulder' man feel like doing. Yeah, that's right- it's not singing another verse of 'close to you!" 
Obviously, there is a real difference in basic needs to be close. Neither is wrong, just different.
Eggerich reminds us that women look at life with pink glasses, listen with pink earphones, and talk with pink megaphones. Men look, listen and talk with blue glasses, earphones and megaphones. So what happens when PINK talks to BLUE or vice versa? Often there is mis-interpretation of what the other was saying. And somewhere we begin to assume, accuse, insinuate things that really weren't the issue at all- we're just different!

GHC knows that sometimes it is really difficult to work through the issues. We want to be part of empowering relationships to be all that they can be. Sometimes it helps to have a 3rd party that can help us hear what the other is saying. Often it helps to have other couples to share with about issues specific to marriage. Sometimes, we just want to have some fun together for a change.

If that sounds like you, you'll want to check out the article and coaching opportunities below.
THOUGHTS & TIPS
"Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner." - Amy Bloom
"Oh, how we danced on the night we were wed
We vowed our true love though a word wasn't said
The world was in bloom, there were stars in the skies
Except for the few that were there in your eyes.
The night seemed to fade into blossoming dawn
The sun shone anew but the dance lingered on
Could we but relive that sweet moment sublime
We'd find that our love is unaltered by time."
- lyrics to "The Anniversary Waltz," composed by Dubin/Frankl
Mark 10:6-9
"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
EVENTS
GHC's FALL FOCUS on MARRIAGE___________
CELEBRATE YOUR MARRIAGE
Whether you are just getting married, or nearing your 50th wedding anniversary, join us for our second event celebrating the marriage dance. What better time to reflect on your relationship and your dreams for your marriage.
Sunday, October 9th, 2011
From 2:00-5:00pm
At Tanya's School of Dance
2100 Diller Rd, Lima, OH 45807
Cross Streets: Between Debbie Dr and N Cable Rd

REGISTER HERE
Green Hope Coaching, in partnership with Tanya's School of Ballroom Dance, is putting together an afternoon of ballroom dance instruction, paired with opportunities to consider what 'dance' teaches us in our relationship with this one we have chosen to love and cherish.
Cost for the afternoon is $40 per couple (less than a dinner and a movie date night) includes ballroom dance instruction with Tanya, as well as coaching time with Kathy & Rennie to reflect on your own marriage dance. We'll dance a little, talk a little and then dance some more. That's what the 'alumni' of the last dance suggested.
NOTE TO DANCE ALUMNI: GHC is giving a $10 discount if you desire to return, and another $5 for every additional couple you bring with you. Bring 6 other couples and you could come for free! (Sorry, I can't give you money back if you bring more than that. I knew you would ask Matt!)

Refreshments will be provided.
Reservations are limited so make your RSVP today along with payment information by sending an email to kathy@greenhopecoaching.com. (We do accept credit and debit cards.)
Join us in celebrating marriage! Shall we Dance?
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For more information, or to register for these and more GHC opportunities, CLICK HERE!
I look forward to meeting with you in the fall!
Seeing GREEN HOPE!
Kathy
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Kathy Burrus
kathy@greenhopecoaching.com
Copyright (C) 2011 Green Hope Coaching All rights reserved.
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