This month, I've thought long and hard about relationships- especially with my dear man that I've been married to for 32 years. The girls just left for school and it's just the two of us again. While we love having the girls around, we enjoy being two- most of the time. After all these years, we know each other pretty well. We know what to do to show love to each other, but try as we might, we inevitably end up hurting each other too.

As I've spent time with several couples this summer, some in coaching, some as friends, I know we are not alone. The desire of our heart is to have a long, meaningful relationship, but in the busyness of life and family we get consumed with what isn't working, rather than what is and things go down hill fast from there.

GHC wants to be part of empowering marriage! Phenomenal marriage! Marriage that honors God and knows deeper intimacy with your spouse. If that's what you long for in your own marriage, you'll want to check out the article and coaching opportunities below.

We're doing a LIVE Wives Only Group on Thursday evenings based on the book What's it like to be Married to Me? Gals, check out the details below. Sorry guys, you are not invited, but I promise you will benefit from all the things we wives learn here! But if you would like to be part of a guys group yourself, let me know. I know people who would love to meet with you.

Wanna DANCE? Join us for a special CELEBRATE THE DANCE coaching event. We partner with Tanya's School of Dance for an afternoon of ballroom dancing and marriage coaching combined. You'll be amazed at what we learn. We had great fun at the first one in June! You won't want to miss this!

COUPLES COACHING- call to set up your time as a couple to reconnect with the vision you desire for your own marriage and clarify some next steps to get you there.

If you would be interested in a couple's group- let us know. We're considering one during the winter months. Would love to hear if that would be of benefit to you!

Here's to your marriage! May you have the courage to take the next step toward deeper oneness!

Brown Eye to Right Shoulder

by Kathy Burrus, Green HOPE Coaching

Remember as a child playing the game of TWISTER. The spinner is spun and the arrow points to a position you should take- which is hard if you are the only one on the mat. But you aren't alone. There is another person with you. So the arrow says you should put your left hand on a blue circle. You are already hunched over and twisted as far as you think you can go. You yell, "You want me to do, what?"

ï»¿Ever feel like you were playing the game of TWISTER in your marriage relationship? You really love this spouse of yours, and you know that God gave you to each other. You are working hard to show love and build a relationship that will not only last, but be sensational.

So the week starts and Monday the move is her sweet brown eye to his right shoulder. That's all well and good. Though she didn't seem to appreciate that he worked extra hard over the weekend on the honey-do list. Tuesday, it's his left forearm to the small of her back. That works too! Relationship is fine and you are enjoying being in each other's presence even though he made a little comment about something. But she says it's trivial, really! But something happens before Thursday and the moves seem more difficult. Things get busy and Wednesday's pose meant a little more bending and giving than you wanted to do and Thursday's left toe to forehead left you tense and on edge. Even before Friday's move is announced you find yourself spilling over in a heap. But you aren't giggling like we did in the game of TWISTER-you're mad.

Why can't she see all I'm doing to provide for us?

Why can't you pay as much attention to me as you do your job?

You NEVER want to have sex!

I want to be close, but can't we be close other ways sometime- like talking?

Why do you have to bring that up again- can we not talk about that?

Why do you ALWAYS pick on on negative things about me- is there nothing I do good, anymore?

It often does! No matter how hard we try to love each other well, somewhere in the middle of it all, come these same issues- over and over. We wrestle and debate and find a way to 'work it out' and make up, only to turn around and do it all again the next week. Maybe it's a different issue then- but slowly, over the years you begin to see these recurring themes. The same stuff over and over. Is this what marriage is all about? Is this how it will be forever?

Well, marriage is not a game! It's a history of two lives together and even when we try to 'do over' by separating or divorcing- we will forever be connected with this other person. So...what can we do to show love to this one we chose to marry because they were wonderful. How can we change the outcome of next week? What 'new move' can we do this week to make things different somehow?

Linda Dillow, in her new book called What's it like to Be Married to Me? encourages us to accept one another. I know, I can hear you say, "But I do accept them!" Oh yeah! Is that what you were saying as you drove away this morning? Can you hear that acceptance in what you say to your friend over coffee? Have you ever stopped to listen to what your really thinking & saying about your loved one?

Too often we become 'gold medal gripers', as Linda puts it. "Most of us think it's ok to whine and complain, now and then. Problem is, now and then turns into daily routine." We get caught up replaying in our minds all the negative thoughts and complaints we have about our spouse and don't you know, that's what comes out of our mouths the next time we are together. We are putting out what we allow in. God has a lot to say about grumbling. Take Philippians 2:14-15, "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that no one can criticize you."

Now none of us live with perfect spouses, even though they may be amazing. But even 'good hearted men and women' (as Emerson Eggerich calls us in his book, Love and Respect) will at one time or another "step on the airhose' of their spouse. There will be plenty of times when we will feel like griping or complaining. Where do we go when we are irriated beyond belief with the man/woman God gave us?

Dillow suggests three things:

1. Give your Gripes to God. Find a place where you can be alone, take pen and paper, and let your mind go wild. Record every complaint you have about your circumstances, about your spouse. Don't skimp. Record it all! Then tear it up! Fall on your face before God and lay your complaints at His feet.

2. Accept your husband. When we choose not to accept our spouse, we are sending a message, "I don't like you as you are." A lack of acceptance results in two things. 1) You will try to change your spouse. 2) He will become angry/ she will become a nag. Both have devastaing effects on the marriage.

3. Move from Change him/her, Lord to Change ME, Lord! Stormie Omartian, in her book The Power of the Praying Wife, says that God convicted her of her own heart issues and asked her to change her three-word favorite prayer from "change him, Lord" to "change me, Lord!" Taking a good, hard look within at our inner motives is life-changing, and marriage enhancing!

Rennie once asked a couple who was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary, how they made it so long. The gentleman was quiet for a moment and then replied. "Well, everyday, i just didn't say 3 or 4 things that I wanted to say." Hmmm!

So what's the next move in your marriage? How about 'your lip to your other lip'? That will keep you from speaking words of complaint or grumbling to your spouse. Then if those lips happen to move to the ears of your precious mate with words of appreciation, all the better. Who knows, perhaps it will end up his lips to her lips!

Now isn't that the FUN we enjoyed in the first place?

Express appreciation for each other. Accepting each other makes a stable marriage. Appreciating each other, however, makes a sensational marriage. ~Brett Selby

The camaraderie of best friends who are also lovers seems twice as exciting and doubly precious. ~Ed Wheat, Love Life for Every Married Couple

Couples who frequently pray together are twice as likely as those who pray less often to describe their marriages as being highly romantic.... But get this- married couples who pray together are ninety percent more likely to report higher satisfaction with their sex lives than couples who don't pray together.... Prayer, because of the vulnerability it demands, also draws a couple closer. ~Les & Leslie Parrott, "Skimming the Surface?" Marriage Partnership

11 week WIVES ONLY LIVE Group:
meets Thursday evenings at 6:30pm,
September 8- November 17
at Burrus Home, 6442 Road R
(Putnam Rd on Google) Columbus Grove, OH

Cost for 11 week session: Fall Special $250
(incudes price of book & materials) Regularly $300.

BEST DEAL OPTION: For greater effectiveness,
add three COUPLES Coaching
sessions plus email coaching as needed.

Cost with 3 Private Sessions: Fall special $500 (including GROUP, PRIVATE & EMAIL COACHING) Regularly: $600

Linda Dillow understands that most women want more from their marriage–but don’t know how to get it. Dillow shares the best and worst things she ever did in her fifty-year marriage,as well as responses from her survey for five hundred wives. With a reflective study guide included, Linda writes of this book, "It is really not about marriage. It is about how to live marriage, day by day, through all the seasons of life. The title asks the overarching question and the book deals with the dangerous ones:

What is REALLY important to me?
What does it feel like to be my husband?
Am I willing to change my attitude?
What will it take for me to get close to You?
What is it like to make love with me?
Why do I want to stay mad at you?
Is it possible to grow together when things fall apart?

CELEBRATE YOUR MARRIAGE
Whether you are just getting married, or nearing your 50th wedding anniversary, join us for our second event celebrating the marriage dance. What better time to reflect on your relationship and your dreams for your marriage.

Green Hope Coaching, in partnership with Tanya's School of Ballroom Dance, is putting together an afternoon of ballroom dance instruction, paired with opportunities to consider what 'dance' teaches us in our relationship with this one we have chosen to love and cherish.

Cost for the afternoon is $40 per couple (less than a dinner and a movie date night) includes ballroom dance instruction with Tanya, as well as coaching time with Kathy & Rennie to reflect on your own marriage dance. We'll dance a little, talk a little and then dance some more. That's what the 'alumni' of the last dance suggested.

Reservations are limited so make your RSVP today along with payment information by sending an email to kathy@greenhopecoaching.com. (We do accept credit and debit cards.)

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10 week TELEGroup session meets
Tuesday's,September 13- November 15
at 2:00pm Eastern Time (1:00pm Central/ 11:00am Pacific)

BEST DEAL OPTION: For greater effectiveness, add one Private Coaching
session each month plus email coaching as needed.

Cost of 3 Private Sessions: Fall special $500 (including GROUP, PRIVATE & EMAIL COACHING) Regularly: $600

Most of us carry baggage of our past, though we have learned to live with the emotional script of shame, fear and distrust. Based on the words of the Beatitudes, Becky speaks directly to a woman's unique struggles and shows how to erase the old messages and embrace new attitudes.

One participant wrote:

"I couldn't imagine ever feeling free of some of the baggage in my story. I was afraid to look back out of fear. Kathy, it was largely because I could tell how Becky's journey toward healing had impacted your life, I took your challenge to rewrite my own script. Now I can look back with gratitude at how the Lord has led me in the past, and look forward with hope to my future. Thank you for not giving up on me!"

I knew I was living in fear, but those same fears kept me from facing it. As I listened to my mom talk about some of the issues these older women (including her) were finally facing and acknowledging after so many years, I decided it was time to re-write my emotional script. I didn't want to live stuffing the fears and emotions I had for another 40 years, letting them impact who I was negatively. ...It wasn’t until half way through the study that I finally let my guard down and openly confessed many of my fears. Once I did that, verbally spoke the words, my fears lost some of their power. I also realized my unspoken but lived out life motto has been, "If you don't have it you can't lose it." I realized I would rather live without something than risk losing it. That went from balloons to boyfriends. If I don't care about someone, I can't have my heart broken. If I don't try I won't fail. But because of my fear, my need to control, I was missing out on life. However, I realized that it is not God's intention for me to live in fear. He wants me to trust him, to be courageous. I will always be afraid, but I do not have to be controlled by my fear. I can be free. I will constantly be re-writing, but now I have the tools.

Six Week TELEGroup session meets Wednesday's, September 21- October 26
TELEGroup: 11am Eastern Time
(10:00am Central/ 8:00am Pacific)

Cost for 6 week session: Fall special $125
(Includes E-book & materials needed) Regularly $150

Have you ever asked yourself:
What should I do with my life?
Who am I really? Why do I feel stuck?

Most people ask the questions, but don't want to do the work of finding the answers. It is too hard. After all, it's in the past, let the past be the past. But is the past really in the past, or is it part of our present and impacting our future- good or bad.

If looking back doesn't bring any value to your future, then it is not worth doing. BUT… if after you identify those significant people & events, you are willing to take the next step, THEN… you will see incredible insights from your own story.

Discover what is hindering you from moving forward (Obstacles, false messages/ lies)

One woman has said of this group, "I didn't even know I had a story, let alone that God was in it with me- even before I knew Him. I'm so grateful to be able to see His hand in even the most difficult places."

Love Legacy workshop presented by Beth Boehr, of Beyond Budgeting
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Two times available- 9:30 am and 6:30 pm
Shawnee Alliance Church, 4455 Shawnee Road, Lima, OH 45806-2044

There is NO COST for the workshop. You may purchase the workbook can at $40/each
....which has many detailed pages to walk you through the process.

Love Legacy captures memories, records important care instructions, and goes BEYOND the basic direcives included in a will. Love Legacy collects information regarding medical history, financial, property, dependents and MUCH MUCH more! It is NOT just for people in the later stages of life...it really is for ALL ages!

For more information, or to register for these and more GHC opportunities, CLICK HERE!